


Practice Makes Perfect

by Pestiset



Series: College Effect [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: College AU, F/M, Gen, Humor, Room-mates, offscreen shenko, prequel to after dinner mints
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 12:29:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2109984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pestiset/pseuds/Pestiset
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan managed to take Jane's bra off in one go. He'd been prepared and practiced first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Practice Makes Perfect

“Kaidan, I like you man, but no. Fuck no.” Joker backed away across the lounge, holding his hands up in defence. “You’re 26, if you don’t know how to take a bra off by now you’ve been doing something fucking wrong!”

Kaidan followed him, the green and black lace bra held out in front of him.

“I know how to do it, I just don’t want to forget how tomorrow night. Having to turn her around to get her bra off really ruins the mood. That’s why I wanna practice.”

Joker’s calves hit the back of the sofa and he toppled backwards flailing. Kaidan stepped up and caught him under the arms, lowering him down before he fell and broke something.

“Thanks,” Joker muttered. “I’m still not wearing the bra.”

Kaidan sat down beside him, toying with the fabric in his hands.

“I could ask Edi, I’m sure she’d let me practice.”

“What’s wrong with a pillow?” Joker snapped, glaring at the other man. “You keep your mitts off Edi!”

“Pillows don’t breathe, and they don’t wiggle.” Kaidan retorted, brandishing the bra. “Come on, I won’t tell anyone, and it’ll be over with quickly.”

“If you use “It’ll be over with quickly” as a pickup line I can’t be responsible for any lack of enthusiasm on Jane’s part.” Joker muttered, shedding his hoodie and tee shirt. “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. You owe me big time Kaidan.”

“I just stopped you from breaking how many bones?” He asked, handing Joker the bra. “If we wanted to be technical you currently owe me.”

Joker snorted in response, turning around to let Kaidan do up the clasp.

“Ok, so we’re fucking even. If I hear about this from anyone else I’ll kill you.” He turned back to the other man, waggling his finger in warning. “Some limitations. No hands below the waist, you don’t get to touch my boobs.”

“Joker, you don’t even have boobs!” Kaidan said incredulously. “How is that relevant?”

“I have the right to have boobs.” He replied loftily. “No kissing. If any lips touch my flesh the deal is off.”

Kaidan sighed and reached around behind Joker.

“I may find some men attractive but you’re not my type. Now, can you move about as though you’re aroused?”

A slow grin spread across Joker’s face.

“Oh Kaidan,” he murmured in a high pitched voice. “Touch me there, please…”

…

James stood in the doorway of Kaidan and Joker’s lounge. No-one had answered the knock on the door, and he’d had a hunt around until he’d found the spare key in the ceiling hatch, letting himself in. Now he wasn’t sure what he was looking at, Joker was sitting on the sofa wearing a green and black lacy bra and sighing dramatically whilst Kaidan wrestled with the clasp. He pulled his phone out and activated the camera – this was just too perfect! Biting his lip so he didn’t make any sound, he started snapping picture after picture – the boys on the team were just going to love this!

“Got it!” Kaidan cried triumphantly, leaning back and slipping the bra off Joker’s shoulders.

“About fucking time,” Joker muttered, glaring at the other man. “I could have hard boiled an egg in the time it took you to get that thing off!”

They both whirled around as they heard a strangled sound from the doorway to see James clutching the doorframe gasping for breath.

“You should see yourselves,” he cried, tears streaming down his face and pulling his phone up to take another photo. “This is absolutely priceless!”

Joker’s hands had instinctively flown to his chest and he stared in shock at James, whilst Kaidan held the bra at arm’s length, looking between James and Joker with a panicked expression.

“How much did you see?” he asked, bunching the bra up in his hand and tossing it behind the TV.

James smirked.

“I arrived in time to hear ‘Oh Kaidan, stroke my breast! Please Kaidan, comb my beard!’ Dios mio hombres, this is the best thing that happened to me this year! I can’t wait to show this to John and Garry!”

“You fucker!” Joker yelled, as Kaidan lunged for James. The bigger man easily darted out of Kaidan’s reach and skipped down the corridor.

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that amigos!” he crowed, bolting through the front door and down the stairs, Kaidan hot on his heels.

Rather than race down the stairs, Kaidan leapt over the bannister and landed on James' back, sending the other man toppling down the stairs. Landing in a pile on the next landing, he straddled James’ waist, pinning the other man’s hands above his head.

“Delete the evidence.” He requested firmly.

“How? You’ve got my wrists.”

They looked up in shock at the sound of a camera from above. Jack hung over the bannister, brandishing her phone.

“This has gone straight on Facebook!” she yelled with a cackle. “Didn’t realise James was your type Kaidan!”

Both men looked at each other, shock blossoming across their features. Scrambling to get up, they bolted up the stairs.

“Dammit Jack!”

**Author's Note:**

> This was suggested to me by my boyfriend when he was giving me feedback for After Dinner Mints. It was absolute gold and I had to write it. Spelling it out, Joker is referencing The Life of Brian when he comments he has the right to have boobs (I may have written this on the boyfriend's surface whilst at another friends house watching Life of Brian).


End file.
